so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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