I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Text me some of your sweat
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
