Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
