I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
