I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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