You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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