At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
