Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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