Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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