I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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