i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
