I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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