Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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