and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
