Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
