i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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