I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
