Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
