# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
