my mouth tastes like poor choices
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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