My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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