yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
