Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
