i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
