Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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