At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
