I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize