OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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