You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
