hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
