Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
