Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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