I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
