twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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