my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
