I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
