i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
