Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
