i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
