I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
