She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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