Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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