It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This baby is an asshole
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
