just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
