Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
