Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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