Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
