i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
