My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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