Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
