And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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