we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
