I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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