she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
