in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
