My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
