omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
