i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize