if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
