dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
