I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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