what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
