he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize